Unexpected Travel Suggestions

Friends,
I know it's been an obscenely long time since I've updated this blog, but many things have happened in the past month and half that led to this neglect. One was that the top row of keys on my keyboard (which are some of the most important letters in our language) decided to stop working, which meant that I could not write an update whenever I wanted to. I have also been displaced in Kerala for the past month, meaning I had very little time to find a working computer with which to write and reflect on all that has happened. In light of these obstacles, I ask you to please forgive my lateness.

November was a roller coaster of a month for me. The first 2 weeks of November were the best yet. After returning from a great retreat, I felt inspired and energized in returning to Mavelikkara and to Bishop Moore College. I arranged a Halloween celebration for the girls in the hostel, which went over very well. We carved pumpkins and I had them make masks out of scraps of colorful loth and knock on my door after dinner to get a few pieces of candy. I ended up with about fifty girls trying to get into my room all at once with outstretched hands. It was chaos, but it was fun! I was also able to visit some of the teachers homes and meet their families. They all insisted on cooking special meals for me, and they were more than happy to teach me how to cook when I asked. When I return, I will be able to cook delicious kappa vevacha, min curry, dosa, appam, kadala curry and poori!

And then came Friday, the 13. I received a call from Thomas John Achen, my site coordinator, that I was going to be served a notice from the Alappuzha district police. The notice was to tell me that I had violated the rules of my visa by attaining employment at Bishop Moore College and I had 15 days to leave the country. Thomas John Achen told me to stay calm and that he and the principal of the college were working on getting the situation under control. This was the last thing I had expected and the shock of it left me very emotional for the next few days. After many days of talking to the police and other government officials in Kerala, Thomas John Achen called to give me news of the situation. I would have to leave India, but my visa was not voided. This meant that I could simply go to Sri Lanka for a few days and then reenter the country. I would have complied with the instructions of the police and I could stay in Kerala. However, the police in Alappuzha district had decided to be very strict on tourist visa policy. Although I was not receiving a salary from Bishop Moore College, the police decided that I was employed and, in their eyes, that went against visa regulations. Because Thomas John Achen did not want the YAV program to suffer or to have conflict with local authorities, it was decided that I should leave Mavelikkara and move to a new site.

Right in the middle of all of this, my keyboard broke, which in itself is not that big of a deal but at the time was an indication that the universe was conspiring against me.

That week was probably the most emotionally trying time of my life to date. I had just settled into Mavelikkara, I was forming deep friendships with the hostel girls, the staff, the hostel and college teachers and other members in the community. After finally making a home in Kerala, I was being told that I had to leave, prematurely severing all of these relationships. Some of the teachers and hostel staff were aware of the situation, but the hostel girls were not. I had to break the news on Wednesday evening that I would be leaving Thursday afternoon, never to return. There were many tears that could not be comforted, many questions that could not be answered. I assured all of my Mavelikkara friends that I would be able to come back to visit every once in a while, but that it would be impossible for me to continue living and working at Bishop Moore. Since then, I have been able to visit the hostel for one night to see their Christmas program, but it can never be the same.

The worst thing about the whole situation was how helpless and targeted I felt. I had done nothing wrong, but was being forced to leave my new home and family. I tried to think of something that I had done to deserve this, but could come up with nothing. Did God think that I was a bad volunteer, that somehow I was doing more harm than good in my placement? Had misinterpreted God's desire and guidance for my life and this was just God's way of correcting my colossal mistake? It seemed as though my prayers, for understanding and for intercession, were going unanswered. In the end, the most helpful prayer was one of the simplest: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to tell the difference."

It took time, but I realized that God was with me in my suffering, not the cause of it. Without God's help, I could not have continued to live and serve while my emotions and anxieties were running so high. I don't think God guided the police to evict me from Allapuzha district, but God did guide my friend Salamma to invite me to stay at her home Sunday night. God worked through Ammamma (the hostel warden) to pray with me and for me every day. God helped Thomas John Achen to find the loophole in India's visa policy that would allow me to stay in Kerala, although it would be in a different place. God was there in the other YAVs, who called or messaged me every day to make sure that I was hanging in there and to make me laugh when I needed it the most.

I left Mavelikkara on a Thursday, and by Saturday was on a plane to Sri Lanka. There, I stayed with Chenoa Stock, a previous India volunteer who now works for the PCUSA in Sri Lanka. 48 hours in a different country, in a city (Colombo) that is very western, was a much needed break from my distress in Kerala. I came back to India on Monday, November 23, and was able to have Thanksgiving with all the YAVs on Thursday at Thomas John Achen's house.

After 22 years, this was the first Thanksgiving when I actually felt thankful for something. I am thankful to still be in Kerala. I am thankful for all the friendships I had in Mavelikkara, for all the experiences I had. Although I lived and served at Bishop Moore for two short months, I had been very happy. I am lucky to have that experience, to meet the people I did, to laugh and learn with everyone in my community. I am thankful that I have friends and family all over the world who supported me through this difficult time, and who will support me in future trials.

"For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope." Jeremiah 29:11